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it's may alrerady, somehow


just as i'm getting used to it being 2020, it's almost halfway through 2024. we're fully in 'the 2020s' and it's completely surreal.

it's gonna be a big month, anyway. in 2 days, in addition to it being star wars day (i unapologetically miss when star wars was something only lame nerds really liked) it'll be my second anniversary since top surgery. i'll try to post a few photos on the day to show how my scars are healing - but suffice it to say for now that i am happy with my chest and it's been legitimately life-changing.

on the 5th, i'm actually going to work. it's the first time in a while. hopefully the money will be worth it - this will also be my first time going to a football game.

on the 7th i leave for orkney; 9th is my dentist appointment; 13th will be my last day/the night i get the ferry back. on the way home, we're hoping to spend a day in edinbourgh. the 14th is when money comes through so it works out nicely. also, both my partner and i have mostly only spent time there during the festival, so it'll be nice to see it as it normally is

my pvg arrived today, so that's another step towards starting my advocate job next month.

lately, i've been getting myself back into """"2014 tumblr indie"""" aesthetics. i did not realise that i was in fact part of an online subculture back then, but i'm realising that's totally what it was. i've decided i wanna finally cut spotify out of my life- i think i'm going to get an mp3 player and start making playlists. really oldschool stuff. i want to make a page with links to my playlists that other people can download as well, i think sharing music can be such a positive and personal thing and it's not something i ever do anymore.

here are some songs i remember loving back then, in my early teens when i still had some hope for having a vaguely-normal teenagehood:

(strict one-song-per-artist list btw)

i remember really not liking the 1975, halsey, melanie martinez, and a few other ones that were popular. but on the whole, i really did enjoy the music and aesthetics in that space. they were simple and cool and easy

submarine (2010) and the book of the prks of being a wallflower were non-anime stuff i likd a lot back then. i got really into evangelion and lain for the first time, as well as a lot of niche 90s anime. it was a weird time of escapism and yearning for normal experiences- thinking of it like that, being a huge weeb makes perfect sense. it's all a bit of a blur, because i was literally a hikkikomori. 14 year olds should not be shutins. i'm still recovering from my teens, and i probably always will be.

music and nostalgia have been on my mind generally- i read this article a while ago about how people stop finding new music after about age 30. i'm only 24, but the idea of not finding new music for most of my life utterly terrifies me. i realise that as someone who's always actively looked for new music, i'm not really at risk for stagnating like that, but it's still been playing on my mind.

i AM currently going through phases of revisiting old music. my bf and i are rewatching serial experiments lain (well, it's his first time - my 3rd iirc). he's getting my to play video games he's played. the two of us are not really finding a lot of new stuff. finding new things seems less easy or exciting. how much of that is aging, and how much of that is something to fight against? i'm not sure on either count.

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