idk

the job i applied for but didn't get (because of a lack of funding) has gotten back to me and offered me a position! i've been gathering all kinds of official documents to send them, because the background checking process is pretty intense. it makes sense- i won't be a government employee, but this org does work with the scottish government.

soon, if all goes well, i'll be able to tell people i'm an advocate! having a 9-5 is scary, since i've only done shift work before, but i've always thought that doing regular hours would be good for me.

it's going to become utterly vital to me that i focus on creativity for the rest of the year. if i sacrifice being creative in favour of a salary, even doing a job that'll help people like this, i think i'll go crazy. i can't stop thinking of how crucial a part of my life this is. i might get money and the ability to do something meaningful. or i might become the sort of person who's too exhausted from work to do anything with themselves. it's a scary time.

last weekend i went out on my own. i planned on spending no money and just finding a packed club to pretend i don't exist in, but i ended up buying myself one (1) drink and then meeting some cool people. eventually i had a great time hanging out and talking to a whole bunch of different people--i forgot socialising wasn't always so bad. i'm going to try and do it again, i think i need variety and novelty. i knew the bar i was at last time, so maybe i'll try going somewhere entirely different next time

i didn't even know there was a fallout show (????) until i saw an ad for it on the side of a bus, but because of that i'm going to play fallout 3 before watching it. i've also been playing fable and one way heroics. i'll probably have more to say about all of that soon enough

TES really got me to fixate on it like few other things ever do. there's an alternate timeline where i got really into that series in my early teens and it completely defined me - i think it's a little sad that it never happened! instead for the last decade i've avoided it, because 99% of skyrim fans that i've met have sucked ass. sad!

. . .

• Jun's Kitchen
• HIGE to WATASHI
• A/V Geeks 16mm Films

i've also listened to these playlists on yt:

• [CHEESE & RICE] MOONY - a webcore/internetcore/enawave playlist
• 悪刀・鐚
• nothing but 90s rave pianos
• you found a place where spring is eternal

. . .

the experimental use of a 5in1 mens shower gel has sadly been somewhat of a failure, in that i sadly have decided i cannot use that product or something similar to replace seperate hair + face + body washes. i think i could if not for the fact that every single one of them either contains menthol or peppermint, and it irritates my sensitive baby skin. so... as a part 2 to this experiment, i got johnson's baby tip-to-toe wash and and now using that, instead. lol
i have realised that l’oréal doesn't do womens shower gel? seriously if you look up 'l'oréal shower gel' you just get their men expert range. why is that? what? i guess l'oréal owns enough brands that do unisex/womens body wash to not be bothered? i dunno. i do wonder if they're about to come out with a bodycare range, though. for the last few years i've been really into elvive haircare which is all 'inspired by skincare' - and neutrogena's hydroboost body cream has been 'inspired by [facial] skincare' for ages, and you have brands like byoma coming out with 'active' bodycare now. it seems logical. but then it seems logical to have a body wash anyway, as the #1 global cosmetic brand, so what do i know?

...

i can do 9 pull ups in one set if i really try. for a while now, my goal has been to be able to do 10 easily. this goal is now in sight and i'm feeling good.

the weather has been nice lately, i've been taking photos again. today my bf and i had a nap outside in a field. i know online people tend to prefer winter, but i really do prefer the summer

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