well, i can at least say i've looked over some available jobs. i cannot say i've applied for any, but hey, i'll do that this week(...?)

aesthetically, i'm quite conflicted about my site. do i want a dark edgy look or a clean minimal one? do i want to appeal to the nostalgic old-web, or do i want to try and imagine what the future could look like? i know i want to keep things very simple, but i don't want that to mean boring. i keep coming across wonderful-looking sites that do so much with so little and am beginning to feel a lot of inadequacy there. does my site really express myself in any real way? i dunno. i suck at using colour - i dress in 98% black (but i am mostly happy with how i dress).

really the thing is that a website is only as good as it's actual content and i'm not especially happy with the things i make. that said, there's nothing like leaving an abusive living environment to improve your mental health, and in turn your productivity. it's been crazy to go through my photos, and see this huge improvment (in my opinion) as soon as i left. i also just started taking more photos, so i suppose it was living there that was messing with my inspiration more than anything.

i'm looking forward to putting more things i've made on here. i've started writing a basic skincare routine guide, which i'm hoping somebody out there might benefit from lol. i've also been considering making a sort of base code for people who want a really simple page skeleton that they can build on? hm. i really need to sort out the guestbook before starting a bunch of other stuff, though!

there have been all kinds of misc thoughts bouncing around in my head this week. one i keep coming back to is how frustrating it is that someone making 'anti-censorship' part of their personality is a red flag. it shouldn't be!!! i am also very much anti-censorship! i would be simply on principle, and i have a personal interest in it as a trans person (!) but every time i see someone online loudly proclaim to be anti-censorship, what they mean is that they think they have a right to make jokes about trans suicide rates and accuse entire demographics of being sexual predators, and have zero pushback about it.

i also want open dialogues, i want a diversity of worldviews, i want to speak without fear of ostracisation. we can't have those things if plain bigotry is tolerated, and people saying they want the former when they actually want the latter make me want to rip my hair out.

semi-relatedly, do you know how weird it is to see people say (sincerely) that 'transgenderism' was 'invented' less time ago than you've been out? maybe i was just ahead of my time?

well, anyway. i went on more walks this week, which is good because i've not been doing all that much exercise. playing more windwaker which is fun! the combat is perhaps too easy and i do think certain things are too cartoony, but i really like it

it is almost midnight.